if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
