i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
