If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think my moral compass just broke
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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