So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
