i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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