She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
