i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
