Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
