what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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