I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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