You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
