We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
