you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
