Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
