i just google imaged poop.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
