i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
