Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
