I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
