My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
