im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
