I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Randomize
