If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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