I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
