oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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