Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
