I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
