I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
