Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
