I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize