with your own penis?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
