where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
