Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
