so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
