it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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