i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im holly from the hills drunk
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
