I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
