at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
