Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
