Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
