she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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