I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
