Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
