i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
