you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
