He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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