I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
