like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
