Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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