I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
