No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
