Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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