Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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