My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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