you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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