Where is the hickey?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
